I feel a lot safer writing this post on my blog knowing that no one is going to read it, at least for a while (or maybe never). Regardless, the process Ken and I are about to embark on is monumental enough in our lives that I'd like to record it.
17 days ago a bomb dropped on our house. A bomb that in a beautiful and perfect way has been shaping into our lives for the last few years. We were told that we would be unable to have children biologically.
My thoughts are all over the board. I think of all the couples that have heard the same news and my heart hurts. I think of our doctor who delivered the news and how tough her job is. I think of all those sweet couples who go through years of fertility treatments just to be told the same news and I cry for them because although we were delivered a blow, we are grateful that we did not have to spend years and endless amounts of money to hear the outcome.
Riding the range of my emotions with our struggle with infertility and our growing hope and desire to open our home, adoption is like being a kid all over again. I find myself giddy and waking up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, as I dream about housing orphan(s) I have never met. This, then followed by a day where I have numbness as I watch friend after friend experience the joys of having biological children, knowing that I will never have this myself.
The overwhelming piece in all of this is what God is doing in my heart.
Our struggles with infertility – has actually been the avenue by which God is meeting me and speaking to me most. I am so saddened by our lack …but God is more real than He’s ever been. This I praise and laugh and smile about. I know he is working in our lives and although I do not understand his perfect timing I have faith that it is in fact perfect.
So we wait and pray and listen and look for guidance with trembling hands, and expectant hearts.
Love you......
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